The small but important lesson Nate teaches us in this comic strip is that, to get anything in this life, you need to figure out which wizard you are. Well, Dave, which wizard are we?
A lot has been said recently about the distinct possibility that people hate this blog, that, perhaps, we may be taking this joke too far, and that our audience is quite solidly 70% Dave and Russ. I believe it’s important, then, to briefly discuss our goals in beginning this blog:
- It is our solemn intent to get a book contract for an elaborated version of the content of this blog by December 2010.
- The movie deal should follow shortly and The Canadian Club: The Movie should appear on screens for the summer blockbuster season of 2013.
I don’t think this could be any clearer. And remember, reader, if you do not read this blog, you are letting Tucker Max win.
Now, it has come to my attention that most book-deal-achieving blogs have one commonality: A Gimmick. Tucker Max has a penis. Cake Wrecks talks pretty consistently about cakes that are wrecked. Stuff White People Like talks pretty consistently about that stuff that white people apparently like. Some chick cooks a lot — like once a day. Another chick asks people to send her lists that you have made.
Now, you’re saying to yourself, “That’s a nice exposition, Russ, but where’s your gimmick?” What’s the single-minded theme behind this blog that will keep me riveted to your pixels?”
So, I’ve been scratching my brain, trying to figure out what will push us over the cusp of fame and fortune (if cusp fame and fortune do have), and I’ve come up with the following idea. Bear with me:
So, two pals, Dave and Russ, feeling stuck in boring careers about which they are quite passionate, watch Mad Men. Suddenly, they realize that the Mad Men season is over, and they wonder what will fill their lives with drama and exquisite aesthetics until Mad Men Season 4. Russ stumbles upon his old, timeworn copy of Stendhal’s La Chartreuse de Parme. Hmm — he says to himself — does anybody really take the time to read Stendhal anymore? He then sends Dave a message over Facebook saying, basically, “Hmm, does anybody really take the time to read Stendhal anymore?” Dave replies back, “You know, I think I’ve told you this before, but I really barely ever read anymore except the same battered, dusty classics I read growing up. So, yeah, actually, I just cracked open The Red and the Black the other day.”
All of a sudden, it comes to them. They have to take a year just reading the complete works of Stendhal (including his history of Italian painting) and describe the specific Stendhalien emotions that beset them each day. A couple of months into their experiment, their feeling of empowerment becomes so magical, that Stendhal’s ghost appears to Russ. “Russ,” Stendhal says, “You have to help me find the reincarnated soul of my very last romance…” Thus begins an exciting adventure across France and Italie, where Dave and Russ accompany the ghost of Marie-Henri Beyle on a journey that reveals to them life’s mysteries and helps a dead French author find love and fame one last, bittersweet time.
So, tell us, reader, is that what you want to read on this blog? Is that the kind of wizardry it’ll take to get you to pay attention to us?