Check out Luann and Tiffany. Does Luann have a hate crush on Tiffany? Probably. Does Luann hate herself? Go figure. Is this hilarious? Yes.
Are hate crushes for reals? Whatever!
Whoever is selling the hate crush meme should go stick her head out the nearest window and vomit. That’s what she makes me want to do. But I didn’t make it that far… Blech.
Not for the first time and definitely not for the last, I’m totally with you on this one, Dave. Do these people have any clue what they’re talking about? The hate crush marketeers have the emotional finesse of “I love my fiancee, but I’m not in love with him.” To quote again what you brought up:
If a crush is about seeing the best version of yourself as you envision it, a “hate crush” is about the worst.
Two things. One, I have not heard that BS about you hate in others what you don’t like about yourself since — like — fourth frickin’ grade! Two, must we explain everything through the prism of narcissism? I think we’ve spoken before about the odd and subtle generational disconnect between us and the Jezebel crowd, namely manifested in matters of sentiment — where there is, on the part of a latter, a certain tendency to take themselves waaaaaay too seriously and to, in general, dismiss nuance and casuistic. Is it because they have been brought up on wonky non-fiction and the Internet? I won’t speculate. All I can say is — again — if these chicks read anything like Stendhal we would not be having this conversation. I mean, not only did they get the hate part wrong — put they even fracked up the much more traditional concept of the crush.
Yeah, I give up, folks: I really hate the fact that I’m a wannabe fetish model. I’m extremely insecure about how I look in leather. I fear, at times, that my love of hip radical European Marxists militias who kill people combined with my healthy, thoughtful skepticism of affirmative action, may not necessarily express a coherent weltanschauung. You’re right. It’s all about me.
Look at Luann. Yeah. Up there. At the top of this post. Does she hate Tiffany because she hates the superficial broad in herself? No, she hates Tiffany, because she’s a stuck-up, preening, lousy lady who is acting all possessive of the Australian exchange student and — worse than that, she looks enough like Luann, that this latter worries that people will associate blond cartoon characters with a fracked up sense of community service. Her position, then, is two-fold: 1) It is a proud, confident disassociation with the superficial similarities shared with Tiffany, while at the same time 2) a strict sense of moral censure best expressed with the word “scoff.”
Like, a lot of the people I hate are people who resemble me — say, picture a slightly shorter Peter O’Toole (when young, of course) with a nose for fresh bread and fine truffles and a certain ability to speak French and other languages, not least while talking about the weather in fine metaphoric terms that beget dreamy expressions in the eyes of the ladies. Well, so, you take that kind of person: Lovable, right? But then, say he learned his French in Quebec, drinks fine wine instead of manhattans, thinks Arcade Fire rocks, and thinks that Obama compromised liberal ideals when he let Van Jones go. And throw in a few carrots and chicks in the mix. This, my friends, is the perfect recipe for a hate crush: Again, not the incarnation of your worst faults but, rather, everything ersatz and pretentious that one fears could potentially be associated to your charming person and everything morally wrong that occurs in your vicinity.
Now it would be nice to pathologize and to remedy our capacity for moral censure. But then who would be there to do such a tough job? Do we just let these stupid poseurs hang around with a bunch of carrots and chicks without pointing and laughing?
Hate is fun! Hate is cathartic. And it keeps giving.
Oh, and a couple more points, Dave. There was no like, and, thus, no dry-heave-inducing epiphany. Just another joke gone too far. That’s my official version, and I’m sticking to it. Also, I think there is something odd about the fact that I don’t Google stalk my friends. I thing you’re right that that should be the exception, not the rule. Whatever.